“How are you feeling today?”
A simple question, but it can be a tricky one to answer without using blanket descriptors such as ‘good’, ‘not bad’, ‘stressed’ or ‘fine’.
Why is it that we find it difficult to pinpoint or name the emotion (or emotions) that we are feeling? I think it comes down to a number of factors, which I will briefly explain here.
Firstly, there are many emotions to pick from.
We have 17 different key emotions that we can feel - yes, that’s right 17! So it’s no wonder that determining which of these 17 we might be feeling at any given time can be difficult.
To make it easier, we can categorise these emotions into four emotion families - Anger, Sadness, Fear and Happiness. By doing this it can help us get to the right neighbourhood, or in close proximity to the emotion being felt. So we can start by asking "Do I feel, mad, sad, bad or glad?" It’s always a great starting point.
Secondly, our emotions don’t always fly solo - they work with each other and for each other.
The intelligence of our emotions is incredible. They know when to step forward and offer us their guidance. Added to this is their ability to work brilliantly by themselves, as powerful pairs or even in small groups. Now this may feel a little overwhelming at times, and it can be tricky to seperate the emotions so you can identify them. It’s hard, but not impossible.
We need to build our emotional vocabulary.
With 17 emotions, and each one having three different levels of intensity - soft, medium and intense, that’s a lot of different words needed to describe how we might be feeling. Let’s be honest, sometimes it’s just easier (and maybe more acceptable) to use blanket or umbrella terms such as ‘fine’ or ‘stressed’.
But trust me, if you can grow your emotional vocabulary, you will connect more strongly with your Self, with the people around you, and with life. Plus, the research shows that you will also be healthier!
Finally, we have been told that some - no let's be totally honest, we've been told that most emotions are bad.
We have been conditioned to believe that only some emotions are 'good', namely the ones in the Happiness family. So much so that we seek them out and pay anything, do almost anything, to acquire their complete and undivided attention and company - and to make sure we never lose it. And on the flip side, we have been told that emotions such as anger, jealousy, anxiety, depression, shame are ‘bad’ - they cause problems, are a negative influence, or worse still, are a disease that we must rid ourselves of.
So let’s do the math; if we have 17 emotions, and the three ‘good’ or acceptable ones are in the Happiness family, that leaves 14 emotions we may be feeling but most likely don’t share or express, because we’ve been told they are ‘bad’. No wonder we can’t or won’t share how we are feeling.
So what’s the answer to finding the answer? The answer to the question, 'How are you feeling?'
Create a welcoming space for your emotions. Let go of the belief that there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ emotions - they are natural responses of being human, and to life. And start giving names and descriptions to how you are feeling. For once, name calling is OK!!
